To the editor: The Barsoomian Rifle Association is disturbed by the latest proposals for limiting access to handguns. There is absolutely no need to wait a full minute to purchase a radium pistol. When you need a weapon, you need it NOW! When will these bureaucratic ulsios realize that? Bubba Blortas BRA supporter »
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Blade reporter
panthanpress@yahoo.com
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Letters: Prince defends invention
To the Editor: I take exception to the recent editorial in The Blade, “Unsafe at Any Speed,” which alleges that my directional compass “is the greatest danger to Barsoomian... »
Traffic Report
Commuters making their way to Opar this morning are experiencing long dalys because of a four-elephant pile up on the main trail into the lost city. Waziri State Police are on the... »
Headless body in topless bar
By Herbo Gooli The Jeddak’s Guard on Friday entered a strip joint in Lesser Helium and discovered a naked headless body on the stage. “It wasn’t part of the act,” said... »
Editorial: Ban Gridley Wave
When the Jasoomian inventor Jason Gridely established contact with Barsoom, this newspaper was the first to declare it a great breakthrough. At first, there was valuable communication among individuals... »
War in Caspak
By Ahm / Blade War Correspondent STO-LU BORDER — Ahm go North. Ahm afraid to do, but boss-man editor demand news of front. Ahm not afraid of war. Ahm afraid... »
Kaldane charged with disorderly conduct
Ghek the kaldane has been charged with disorderly conduct again. According to reports from the Jeddak’s Guard, Ghek snuck into the palace of Kantos Kan and exchanged places with the... »
Sex romp in flier trips tawdry Tara
By Toolio Tabnuts HELIUM — The Empire has been rocked by allegations that Princess Tara cavorted naked in a one-man flier with a palace janitor from Jasoom. War is imminent, of... »