Edgar Rice Burroughs fans

I wrote this years ago on the old Panthan Press site. Found it on the Way Back archive olf old web pages …

Top Ten Reasons John Carter is Better than Tarzan

10. Woola would eat Jad-bal-ja for lunch and use Nkima as an after-dinner mint.

9. John Carter’s sword is bigger than Tarzan’s hunting knife.

8. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

7. Never had dozens of really bad movies made about him.

6.When John Carter’s son was 10, he helped the old man lead a slave revolt against the evil goddess of Life and Death. When Tarzan’s son was 10, he ran away from home with an old ape.

5. John Carter arrived naked on another planet, and rose to become Warlord of all Barsoom. After all these years, Tarzan still pretty much just runs around naked.

4. When John Carter’s wife is lost, her father launches 10,000 battle ships and starts massive wars. When Tarzan’s wife is lost, her father wanders around the jungle saying “Tut-tut.”

3. John Carter’s best friend is a 15-foot green guy with four arms, tusks, and a big honking sword. Tarzan’s best friend is a Frenchman.

2. Tarzan had to take pills to become immortal. John Carter was just born that way.

1. Four words: The incomparable Dejah Thoris.